My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
