literally had 100 drinks last night.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
