Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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