Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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