Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
