who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
