He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
