Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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