you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
