just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
