Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
third nipple confirmed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
