i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
