i think my mom watched the whole time
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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