The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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