Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize