He kissed a someone with a penis
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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