You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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