So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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