Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
