EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it's like iHOP with fire
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
