she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
