Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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