I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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