as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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