I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
