I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
