he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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