my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
