the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
