You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
