when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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