im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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