i think i have two assholes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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