ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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