We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize