my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Drake has all the answers
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize