Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
