Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm way too hungover for life right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
