VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
