my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
