Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
