Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize