I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
