she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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