States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
