hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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