Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
