is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
