this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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