He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
