so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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