Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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