I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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