I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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