He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
