I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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