it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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