Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
