R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You left your phone here
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