Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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