AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize