I met the friendliest cop last night
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
