I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am one with the molecules
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
