I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
