I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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