Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
