Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
