Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
