it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
