Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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