it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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