sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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