I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
