This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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