i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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