Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
