I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
