I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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