Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
