Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're a waste of cheezeits
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
