she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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