Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You're like the curious george of whores
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
