I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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