i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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