areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
