He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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