Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
