Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
