We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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